Thursday, February 10, 2011

You don't bring me flowers....


Babs and Neil Diamond couldn't have sung it any better.  Husband does not bring me flowers.  Not now or ever really. It's just not how he operates.  Valentines Day is around the corner but it'll be another day without flowers or gifts or any other symbolic gesture to reassure me that the love is still there. To be fair I suppose it's because giving gifts isn't his "Love Language."  If you've never read the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman you're missing out on some basic, honest to goodness relationship  5 Cent psychology. But it's good stuff cause it's pretty much totally accurate. 
"— everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch."

Let's just say that Acts of Service (vacuuming the living room floor for Mama), Quality time (he has to actually be at home occasionally right? Husbands work schedule prevents this), Words of affirmation (again, see "quality time", the person must actually be present), Receiving or Giving gifts, is seriously NEVER going to happen. So I suppose Husbands "Love Language" is Physical Touch.  Like isn't EVERY man all about that?   

{not that I want this tacky shiz anyway...much}

 So it falls on me to make reservations to go out for dinner on Valentines Day because otherwise NOTHING would happen. It's just another made up non-holiday as far as Husband is concerned. He really doesn't give a hoot.  And I can't help but feel a little deflated by this.  It would be nice if he put a little bit of effort into things at least some of the time? To be fair though it's not like I didn't know what I was getting into, he's never been any good at being romantic or thoughtful. 

I'm blown away when I hear about big elaborate, creative marriage proposals, or secretly planned romantic getaways that are sprung on unsuspecting wives or girlfriends. That stuff impresses me. 
Even the little things like a simple bouquet of flowers on my birthday or on Valentines Day would be really appreciated but I know it's not going to happen. (At least it's highly unlikely.)
  It's not like Husband isn't a great guy. He IS...but he really falls down when it comes to thoughtful gestures and romance.  
Tell me I'm not the only wife or girlfriend who's lives with this? I'd like to wallow in my self-pity with someone who understand me?!
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20 comments:

Jill said...

You should tell your hubby that is hurts you. I am lucky that my husband is very thoughtful but on the flip side I am always trying to do thoughtful things for him. I will bring him lunch to work etc, or surprise him when he gets home from work with a romantic dinner for 2.

Marriage is alot of work and why take away the one holiday that is just for love and marriage? If your husband knew how upset you get I am sure he would change that!!

Mrs. Beer said...

We are married to the same person! AND I know (since we're married to the same person) that saying, "Hey, it hurts my feelings when you don't get me flowers etc" would only makes things worse...

So what I'm trying to say is, will you be my Valentine?

xoxo

Chicago Mom (Heather) said...

My husband does buy me flowers occasionally but probably not on Valentines Day. He thinks that day is bogus too. As for big gifts? I usually buy those for myself. :-)

The best romantic thing my hubby does is give a good card. He writes the most beautiful messages in them. I have them all saved in a scrap book. Otherwise very little romantic gestures going on for me too. Boo.

Tracy D said...

Sometimes I think the big displays or gestures are a bit much & often about 'putting on a show' for other people. I say there is a lot of people who want to be in a happy committed relationship, so celebrate that. Even if it means buying your own gift :) Here's to the men in our lives! Happy Valentines Day.

fojoy said...

My Hubs is exactly the same way. He doesn't have a single romantic bone in his body. So its a good thing he makes me laugh like a crazy women

Marie a la Mode said...

Give me your husbands number! I'll talk some sense into him! Just kidding. Grand (materialistic) gestures are very nice but for me, it's the simple and little things that count like when he scrapes ice off my car at 5:30 a.m. or cooks me dinner. My boyfriend isn't really romantic either but I know how much he loves me. Still, I hear what you're saying - it would be nice for males to do something sweet out of the blue or on a day like VDay. I hope he surprises you this year.

Mary said...

Wow, it's so scary how our husbands are similar!! Our hubby's look VERY MUCH a like physically and obviously personality wise. My husband has bought me flowers 4 times in 7 years..and that's on our wedding anniversary and a couple of birthdays, oh and ONCE randomly because I kept bugging him about it which really doesn't count lol..anyways, you win some, you lose some, right? ;)

Megan said...

i wish i could send you flowers :-)
if it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend is from a country that doesnt celebrate valentine's day and i had to explain to him this morning what happens on valentine's day. yea...im not getting anything LOL <3 enjoy your day and this weekend!!!

<3 megan

mrsandrealorenz said...

Love the 5 Love Languages! It has definately helped me "understand" my husband!

Suburban Princess said...

Does your husband know you want flowers? Does he have any idea what your expectations are?

Grand romantic gestures are nice, but they arent what makes a marriage good. Presents arent promises!

Does he shovel snow? Provide for his family? Kill spiders? Because these are really the important things.

Blushingloves Irene Greece said...

Believe me hun!!you are not the only wife!!He is Greek ha?and from my hubby's place!That means for them Valentine's pfft doesnt exist!!But I know that they are romantic and careing all year!!So better to have a great hubby all year than for one day!!haha that keeps me motivated!!;)

FoOd FaNaTiC said...

I love dining on Valentine's Day if he is into it or not because gourmet restaurants offer Valentine's Day set menu's that are WAY cheaper than the normal prices.. We are eating at ROUGE for $75/person for 5 courses!!! Have you made reso's?!

Alicia xoxxo said...

I think you should tells hubs how you feel. Maybe if he hears that it bothers you he will try to bring the romance on V Day for you!!!

PeaceLoveApplesauce said...

Awww, honey!!! Makes me want to send you flowers!!

Sara Louise said...

I have received flowers all of three times since my husband and I have been together, and never has a gift ever been wrapped, but either comes in the shopping bag from the store or I pick it out myself. But I know he loves me from all the little gestures; the foot rubs when he knows I'm tired, the little (fattening) treats from the bakery and all the hugs. I'll take that over the flowers any day :-)

hotpants™ said...

I'm right there with you. My husband is not a romantic AT ALL!

Katie said...

Seriously... did you write this about my husband? I could literally quote your post. I got flowers ONCE in the past 14 years. VDay is never acknowledged... unless you count, "Can I have five minutes to run upstairs and fill out your card?" Um... really? Unless I make the reservations and line up the sitter... nothing. :( Birthdays completely suck as well. I'll be sure to check out that book - kind of afriad I won't find any similarities though. :( Hang in there - and go buy your own VDay gift damnit! You deserve it!!!

love jenny xoxo said...

i think a lot of guys would prefer to just skip over v-day, and say that it's too commercialized crap. I agree, but it's a fun reason to be romantic so whats the harm? I don't need flowers, but feeling special is always good. but if I had to pick between flowers on v-day and helping around the house, the latter would definitely win :)

XOXO

http://lovejennyxoxo.blogspot.com/

Pop Champagne said...

yeah I don't think guys are thoughtful people. they'll do something when we are boarderline getting pissed but that's pretty much it. I think that subtle hints doesn't work you have to tell them flat out what you want but that's just me lol. hope you still have a great night- order something really expensive so he pays and because you had to schedule it! ;)

Katie said...

So I got nothing... just a card. He got an iPod. How about you? I hate this day! :(

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