Saturday, January 30, 2010

Ooooh the Humanity!!

Today was Spray Tan Day or as I call it, STD.
(It's as bad as it sounds.)

I showered, exfoliated, shaved and went deordorant-less in prep for the tan. Wore baggy cotton clothing, removed my jewellery, put my hair in a pony-tail, and left the house sans make-up.
Right there that is WAY too much going on before I've even had the damn spray.

You'd think that after years of annual physicals, birthing 2 babies naturally, and being over the age of 30, that by now I'd be comfortable with someone seeing all of my naked-ness.  Apparently not.
spray tan requires you to stand without clothes, (save for a small disposable pair of string bikini bottoms, which are AWFUL but necessary to avoid unsightly tan lines) while a "technician" sprays you with a high powered air brush/liquid tan gun. Besides being totally awkward and's cold as balls.
(What, you wouldn't be embarrased standing buck while some stranger scrutinizes your every angle for optimum tan application?)  Every cellulite covered angle.
Just thinking about it again makes me cringe. I am a secure person but it was way beyond uncool.
Usually, like a 'normal' person, before I go on a sun-filled vay-cay I go tanning to get a base...which is really just an attempt not to fry on Day 1 of the holiday, thereby averting massive pain/frustration/lobster-like hue, and resentment towards the all powerful soleil.


This year there just wasn't time so plan B was to spray.
Yes yes, I know tanning beds are awfullll but in it's defense I live in CANADA where there is nothing but cold and winter desolation for 7+ months of the year.  Mama's kravin' Vitamin D something fierce, and may just have a touch of the winter crazies. (No, not SAD... but if you were covered head to toe in fleece for months on end, you'd be crying for the sun too.)
But this time the only obvious pre-holiday game plan was to channel my inner Guidette and get me some sunless spray tan. Snookie would approve. (Guidette, is this ser-i-ously a word, for realsss?!) 

{Tomorrow all will be revealed post-shower. Fingers crossed I'll look like a sun-kissed goddess.}

{And not an Oompa-loompa that dropped $85 on this sh!t....}

{no offense to the Oompa's but unless I'm living in a Choco Factory it's just not right}


lovelyviolet5 said...

I know what you mean, I love tan and I love the look of the sun kissed goddess as you say but I don't think I could actually stand nekked infront of a stranger sounds so uncool someone spray you!?

Suburban Princess said...

I am in Canada too and thinking about hitting the tanning salon - I am all out of sorts from lack of sun!

Tracie said...

I'm about as tan as a sheet of copy paper. That's my normal skin tone. I burn, peel, and blister. So I've tried the spray-tan thing before. I like the way it looks (cellulite looks so much better tan than white) but I hate the mess. One time I had a beet based tanning solution applied and when I took a shower it looked like someone had been murdered in the bathroom.

Honey B. said...

I'm in Minnesota (it touches Canada, close enough right) and I've been yearning for some Vitamin D! And Tracie is right, tanning totally makes cellulite look better. I've always thought about spray tanning, but the disposable string bikini just convinced me otherwise!

Holly said...

I did Mystic Tanning for my high school reunion...I live in Central California and it is not hot enough to actually tan. I have had a technician do it too...not my fave, but she was my regular facial lady, so it helped.

OceanDreams said...

I hope it went well for you - I've always wanted to try Mystic Tanning, I would get claustrophobic in a tan bed. Have fun being golden!


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